pakau shayari - 2

pakau shayari - 2



Ab jab gira baadal....

Ab jab gira baadal, teri yaad ai,
Jhoom ke barsa saawan, teri yaad ai,
Bheega main, lekin phir bhi teri yaad ai,
Kiyun na aey teri yaad?
Tune jo chhatri ab tak nahi lautai...






Lal diwar per choone....

Lal diwar per choone se likha tha Ghalib ne,
Lal diwar per choone se likha tha Ghalib ne,
Yahan likhna mana hai







Majnu ko Laila ka....

Majnu ko Laila ka sms nahi aya,
Majnu ne 2 din se khana nahi khaya,
Majnu marne wala hai Laila ke pyar main,
Aur Laila sms free hone ke intazar main ...






Woh bhi kya din....

Woh bhi kya din the jub hum haseenon ke galey mila karte the,
Ye un dinon ki baat hai jub hum 2 saal ke hua kartey they...







Tumko dekha to ek....

Tumko dekha to ek khayal aaya
Tumko dekha to ek khayal aaya
Tumhari saheli ko dekha to doosra khayal aaya!!







pyaar ka safar....

pyaar ka safar lamba hua to kya hua.............
pyaar ka safar lamba hua to kya hua.............
Thora tum chalo,
Thora hum chalenge,
Fir............................... TAXI kar lenge






Khidki se dekha....

Khidki se dekha to raastey pe koi nahin tha,

Khidki se dekha to raastey pe koi nahin tha,

Raaste pe jaake dekha to khidki pe koi nahi tha.

pakau shayari 1

pakau shayari - 1




Hai tu agar mera...

Hai tu agar mera dilbar,
Hai tu agar mera dilbar,
To aaj ke lunch ka bill tu bhar






Woh bhi kiya din....

Woh bhi kiya din the jub hum haseenon ke galey mila karte the,
Ye un dinon ki baat hai jub hum 2 saal ke hua kartey the






When words fail....

When words fail, Eyes works.
When eyes fail, heart works.
When heart fails...
To kya? Samajh le Tapak gaya






Unki gali ke chakkar....

Unki gali ke chakkar kaat kaat kar,
Kutte bhi hamare yaar ho gaye,
Woh to hamare ho na sakey,
Hum kutton ke sardar ho gaye






Na woh inkaar karti....

Na woh inkaar karti hai,
Na woh ikraar karti hai,
Kambakhat mere hi sapnon main aa kar,
Mere dost se pyaar karti hai






Maine poochha chand se...

Maine poochha chand se...
Kabhi dekha hai mere yaar sa haseen?
Chand ne kaha: Chandni ki kasam...
2,200,599,999 entries found







Agar tum kaho....

Agar tum kaho to tumhare liye
aasman se chand taare torr laun,
Agar tum kaho to tumhare liye
aasman se chand taare torr laun,
Lekin tum unka karo gi kiya???
(Kiya logical sher hai!!)







Jub dekha unhon ....

Jub dekha unhon ne tirchhi nazar se,
to hum madhosh ho gaey,
Par jab pata chala ke un ki nazren hi tirchhi hain,
to hum behosh ho gaey

STUPID JOKES - 2

STUPID JOKES - 2




Beta icecream Khayega.....

Mom: Beta icecream Khayega?
Beta:Na
Mom: Laddu Khayega?
Beta:Na
Mom: Fruits?
Beta:Na
Mom: Bap pe gaya hai na, Maar Hi khayega







An elephant falls in luv wid....

An elephant falls in luv wid n Ant.but Ant's parents r against their marrige...guess y??
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They gave a solid reason...**Ladke k daant bahar hain **






Nari ke Chakkar me bhulo....

Nari ke Chakkar me bhulo mat yari..
Laat maregi nari to yaad ayege Yari..
Bat mano hamari Banjao Brahmachari..
Ye Jankari Janit me Jari ;)






Santa apni khoobsurat Bivi....

Santa apni khoobsurat BiVi k saath car mein baitha..
Driver ne sheesha set kiya...

Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai,
piche baith,
car mein chalaoonga!






Harbhajan to his wife....

Harbhajan to his wife :
Darling ! kya main tera pahila pyar hoo ?
Wife : Kardina sardar wali baat
Spinner ko kabhi opening milti hai kya






How r ur grades ....

FATHER: How r ur grades, son?

SON: Under water, Dad.!

FATHER: Under water? What do u mean?

SON: They're below C(Sea) level.. ;)





Gandhiji Ahimsa mein....

Gandhiji Ahimsa mein kyu maante the???
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Kyuki Dhishum Dhishum to pepsodent ka kaam hai na!! ;)







Damn!! Message me....

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Damn!!
Message me now or I'll break all your 32 teethes! ;)

STUPID SMS - 1

STUPID SMS - 1


Ek kaam kar YAAR.....

Ek kaam kar YAAR..


Tu na,
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is msg ko DELETE kar de, isme kuch nahin hai..!






You ArE the biggesT...

You r the biggest fool on earth...
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upar dekh liya na..
ab yaha neeche kya certificate dhundh rahe ho..?




Sardar STD Pe gaya...

Sardar STD Pe gaya aur STD wale ko 2 thapad lagaye.
STD walene pucha thapad kyo mara?
Sardar bola board par likha hai dial karne se pehle 2 lagaye.. ;)





U r my .....

U r my..
BEST
SMART
CUTE
LOVABLE
SWEETEST
n INTELLIGENT frnd !!
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WARNING :
Is Msg. Ke sabhe Sabhd Kalpanik he..
Inka Vastavik se Koi Sambandh Nahi he.. :p






TEST UR MATHS ...

TEST UR
CAPABILITY IN
MATHS.


R U Ready?

Here We Go

2+7


+9


-5


+4


+7


-2


+5


+4


-8


QUESTN:
How Many Times
Did U Press d Button?





A BOY on Drive Date....

A BOY on Drive Date in BMW..
Maine tumse ek baat chupayi hai
I'm already married
Girl:Tumne to dara diya,
Main Samjhi BMW tumhari Nahi he ;)




This is a test to....

This is a test to check ur English. Read this fast and loud.
BOW VOW COW, HOW NOW LOW,BOW VOW WOW VOW
BOW BOW.. TEST RESULT OK.. GOOD DOG






Sorry sorry! ....

Sorrry sorry!
Galti se ye msg apko snd ho gaya
Niche mt dekhna niche galat salat likha hai..
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"GALAT SALAT "



Ye ek naya sms he jo market ...

Ye ek naya sms he jo market mai abi tak nahi aya..
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Kaha na abi tak market main nahi aya
To tumhre pas kaise ayega??



Ek medical student ne apni ....

[Emotional Scene]
Ek medical student ne apni clasmate ko khun se likha leter dekar kaha: "Mujhe iska jawab jarur dena"
Ladki ne jawab diya: "Tumhara blood group B+ hai"

PYAAR KA SMS - I

PYAAR KA SMS....

Dosti main jina dosti...

Dosti main jina dosti main marna,
Himmat na ho to dosti na karna,
Zindagi nahi hame doston se pyaari,
Doston ke liye hai zindagi hamari…..

Dil mein intezar ki....

Dil mein intezar ki lakir chod jayenge
Ankho mein yado ki nami chod jayenge
Dhundte phiroge hume ek din
Jindhgi mein ek dost ki kami chod jayenge.

Dhadkan ke liye dil chahiye...

Dhadkan ke liye dil chahiye,
Dil ke liye pyaar chahiye,
Pyaar ke liye khushi chahiye,
Khushi ke liye yaar chahiye,
Aur yaar ke liye aap chahiye.

Dil todna humari aadat nahi...

Dil todna humari aadat nahi,
Dil hum kisika dukhate nahi,
Bharosa rakhna humarae dosti pe,
Dost bankar hum kisiko bhulaathe nahi.

Nigaho mein aur koi dosti...

Nigaho mein aur koi dosti ke kabil na raha,
Is kinare ka aur koi sahil na raha,
Chand jaisa dost mila humein zamin par,
Aasma ka chand bhi aab deedar k kabil nahi raha.

Dosti se aaj pyaar sarmaya hai...

Dosti se aaj pyaar sarmaya hai,
Teri dosti ne humein jina sikhaya hai,
Kya mange khuda se hum,
Woh to khud aaj mere dar par,
Teri dosti mangne aaya hai.

Dosti ki galiyo mein.....

Dosti ki galiyo mein koi gham na ho,
Hamari yeh dosti kabhi kam na ho,
Bas yehi dua tum kush raho,
Kya pata yeh message bhejne wala
Aman “Kal Ho Na Ho”…!

Dosti se aaj pyaar.......

Dosti se aaj pyaar sharmaya hai,
Teri chahat ne kuch aisa gajab dhaya hai,
Khuda se kya mange,
Woh to khud aaj aap jaisa dost udhar mangne aaya hai.

Har ek insaan ko ek....

Har ek insaan ko ek hi maan hota hai,
Har ek insaan ko ek hi jaan hoti hai,
Har ek insaan ki ek hi baat hoti hai,
Ke dosti ho to zindagi aasaan hoti hai.

Milte hai aachai dost...

Milte hai aachai dost sirf kismatwalo ko,
Meri kismat se jalna chod do.
Agar tamana ho milne ki mere dost ko,
Toh bas apni nazar aaine ki taraf mod do.

Ummid aisi ho jo jeene...

Ummid aisi ho jo jeene ko mazboor kare,
Raah aisi ho jo chalne ko majboor kare,
Mahak kum na ho apni dosti ki,
Dosti aisi ho jo milne ko majboor kare.

Har waqt gul bankar muskurana....

“Har waqt gul bankar muskurana jindagi hai,
Muskurakar gam bhulana jindagi hai,
Jeet kar muskuraye to kya muskuraye,
Haar kar muskurana jindagi hai”

Bhari mehfil main tanha......

Bhari mehfil main tanha rehna acha lagta hai
Terey barey main sochtey rehna acha lagta hai .
Kabhi phulon main ,kabhi kaliyon main
Tujh ko hi dhundtey rehna acha lagta hai
Meree zindagi ki khushiyan tumhee say hain wabasta
Rab say sirf tumhein hi mangna acha lagta hai
Hamarey darmiyan hai sadiyon ka fasla
Kuch is tarhan guftugu karna acha lagta hai
Tumhrey baghir zindagi ka koi tasavur nahi hai
Kuch is tarhan tumhari tamanna karna achha lagta hai
Tum hi ko chaha,tum hi ko chahtey hain
Tumhi ko chahtey rehna acha lagta hai..

Humne to aapko zindagi....

Humne to aapko zindagi mana hai,
Aapki har saans ko bandagi mana hai,
Khuda kare ki salamat rahe aap sada,
Kyuki aapki har saans ko humne apni saans mana hai….

PYAAR KA SMS - II

PYAAR KA SMS .....



Jis Shaam Mein........

Jis shaam mein mere lab per aapka naam na aaye,
Khuda kare ki kabhi aisi shaam na aaye,
Ae jaane wafa yeh kabhi mumkin nahin ki,
Afsaana likhoon aur aapka naam na aaye.

Sachhi Dosti Bezubaan Hoti Hai....

Sachhi Dosti Bezubaan Hoti Hai,
Ye To Aankhon Se Bayan Hoti Hai,
Dosti Mein Dard Mile To Kya,
Dard Me Hi To Apno Or Parayon Ki Pehchan Hoti Hai.

Bharoosa hai tum per apne...

Bharoosa hai tum per apne se bhi jayada,
per her us parchhaee se darta hoon,
chheen na le koi tumhe muj se,
bas har pal issi baat se darta hoon.

Square Has 4 Ends....

Square Has 4 Ends,
triangle Has 3 Ends,
Line Has 2 Ends,
But Our Friendship Is Like Circle
Which Has No End.

kahan koi aisa mila jis.....

kahan koi aisa mila jis per dil luta dete her ek ne dokha diya
kis kis ko bhula dete apne dil ka dard dil mai hi dabaye phirte hai
karte agar byan to mehfil ko rula dete

Birth Is The Start Of life....

Birth Is The Start Of life,
Beauty Is The Art of Life,
Mystry & The Risk are The Part Of Life,
But True Friends Like You Are The Heart Of Life……..

Pyar Chupta Nahi Chupane Se………

Pyar Chupta Nahi Chupane Se………
Pooch Lo Tum Bhi Iss Zamaane Se,
Pyaar Chhupta Nahin Chhupane Se
Paas Aate Ho Choote Ho Baat Karte Ho,
Kabhi Matlab Se Kabhi Bahane Se
Pyar Dil Mein Hai To Laao Zabaan Pe,
Aag Badhti Hai Ye Bujhane Se.
Tumhein Na Paana Shayad Behtar Hai,
Paa Ke Phir Se Tumhein Ganwane Se.
Chalo Ek Dua To Apni Poori Huye,
Mil Liye Apne Ek Deewane Se.
Roye Jaate Ho, Bas Roye Jate Ho,
Kya Hoga Ye Dhan Lutane se ….

Humari ungli aapki....

Humari ungli aapki or
Rishto ki dori kamzor hoti hai,
Aankhon ki baaten dil ki chor hoti hai,
Khuda ne jab bhi puchha dost ka matlab ,
Humari ungli aapki or hoti hai,

Khuda ne iss rishte ko kya nek banaya...

Khuda ne iss rishte ko kya nek banaya
Iss riste se aur kaun sa rishta paak hoga
Jab do dil swart bina ek tuje ke saath hoga
Khuda ne iss rishte ko kya nek banaya
Dosti mein jab dono ka haath ek hoga

Phool bankar muskurana...

Phool bankar muskurana zindagi hai
Muskura ke gum bhulana zindagi hai
Mil kar log khush hote hai toh kya hua
Bina mile dosti nibhana zindagi hai

FUNNY SHAYARI - I

FUNNY SHAYARI


Chand par kaali ghata chaati to hogi...

Chand par kaali ghata chaati to hogi,
Sitaron mein Chamak aati to hogi.
Tum lakh chupao Duniya se, magar akeley mein
tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati to Hogi





Tumne mere dil se khela...

Tumne mere dil se khela
Tumne mere tan se khela
Tumne mere man se khela
...
Wah Wah Well Played




Lohe ko Loha kat ta ha...

Lohe ko Loha kat ta hai ...
Sone Ko Sona Kat ta hai...
Jaher ko Jaher kat ta hai...
Isliye apko Kutta katega





Hum aapke dil....

Hum aapke dil mein rahate hai
Hum aapke dil mein rahate hai
Aur bhaada bhi nahin dete hai





Na mitti ki kami thi...

Na mitti ki kami thi na kam lagayi gayi
Na mitti ki kami thi na kam lagayi gayi
Jo bhi bach gayi thi, woh upar lagayi gayi





khud ko kar buland itna...

khud ko kar buland itna ki zamaana ho deewana
khud ko kar buland itna ki zamaana ho deewana
neend se utha to paaya kutton ka dawaakhaana




Maine tujhe pyar kiya...

Maine tujhe pyar kiya abla samajh kar
Tere baap ne mujhe baja dala Tabla samajh kar

FUNNY SHAYARI - II

FUNNY SHAYARI



Machchar ne apko kata...

Machchar ne apko kata wo uska Junun tha...
Aapne Khujli ki wo apka Sukun tha .....
Chah kar bhi aapne use nahi mara....
Kyonki uski rago me apka khoon tha




Tum kya jano gum...

Tum kya jano gum kya hota hai.
Tum kya jano gum kisey kehate hai.
Tum kya jano gum kya cheez hoti hai.
Tumne to hamesha fevicol use kiya hai.



Teri nazron se nazar.....

Teri nazron se nazar milane ko ji chahta hai
kambhakth ye tera chashma beech mein aata hai



Ladka apni dilruba se pooch....

Ladka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai
Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai..

FUNNY SHAYARI - III

FUNNY SHAYARI..


Tumko dekha to yeh...

Tumko dekha to yeh khayaal aaya
Ki kal raat ko maine itna kyon khaaya
Teri zulfein hain ya ghana andhera
Katwa de baal, aur kar de savera



Juice peene ka maza...

Juice peene ka maza cup mein nahin, glass mein hota hai
Greeting card dene ka maza gharwali ko nahin, saali ko hota hai



I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u...

I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u
I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u I Luv u
Enuff - I luv other alphabets also



Tu mere dil mein...

Tu mere dil mein aise samaayi hai
Jaise baajre ke khet mein bhains ghus aayi hai



Khush rahe tu sada...

Khush rahe tu sada yeh dua hai meri
Teri premika hi ban jaaye bhabhi teri




Tumsa koi dusara zamin...

Tumsa koi dusara zamin par ho to rab se shikayat hogi,
tumsa koi dusara zamin par ho to rabse shikayat hogi,
Ek to jhela nahi jata dusara aa gaya ye kam baat hogi.




Majnu Laila ke baal...

Majnu Laila ke baal pakad ke bola
Moya kitne din se sar nahin dhoya



Chand par kaali ghata...

Chand par kaali ghata chaati to hogi,
Sitaron mein Chamak aati to hogi.
Tum lakh chupao Duniya se, magar akeley mein
tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati to Hogi




Unki Gaali ke chakkar kaat...

Unki Gaali ke chakkar kaat te kaat te,kutte humaare yaar ho gaaye,
Unki Gaali ke chakkar kaat te kaat te,kutte humaare yaar ho gaaye,
Woh to humhe naa mili..................
Magaar hum kutton ke Sardaar ho gaaye!!!


Jaayiye aap...

Jaayiye aap kahan jaayenge
Hum khud aapko chhod aayenge




Mere Dost Mere Chale...

Mere Dost Mere Chale Jaane Key Baad Aansu Na Bahana...
Agar Meri Yaad Aaye to Sidhe Upar Chaley Aana ...



Draupadi ka vastraharan...

Draupadi ka vastraharan Dushasan k o pada bhari
Saari mein saari Parag saari!



socha ttha har modh...

socha ttha har modh par tumhara saath denge,
socha ttha har modh par tumhara saath denge,
par kya kare kambakhat sadak hi sidhi nikli


Dil dola re dil dola....

Dil dola re dil dola re dil dola re dil dola re dil dola re
dil dola re dil dola re dil dola re dil dola re dil dola re
Arrey chakkar aa gaya

DARD E SHAYARI - I

DARD E SHAYARI...



Dil tootega toh fariyaad....

Dil tootega toh fariyaad karoge tum bhi
hum na rahe toh hamein yaad karoge tum bhi
aaj kehte ho hamare paas vaqt nahin
par ek din mere liye vaqt barbaad karoge tum bhi.

kabhi dil ka koi kona....

kabhi dil ka koi kona yunhi veeraan ho jae
koi bhi baat na ho par kahin bhi chain na aaye
na koi arzzoo jaage na koi khwaab yaad aae
bila vajah puraani kuchh kitaben dhoondna chaho
aur jab vo dhoond na paao to bas yun aankh bhar aaye
khazaana kho diya koi ,koi phir tum se hai bichhda
na lena naam hai jiska jise na yaad kar paao
samajh lena usi pas ek pal main yaad karti hun….
its mine

Dua karte hai hum....

Dua karte hai hum KHUDA se,
Dua karte hai hum KHUDA se,
Aye KHUDA humara pyara apni manzil paye,
Uski raho me andhera aaye…
Toh roshni ke liye hame jalaye

Yaadon ki dhoond mein....

Yaadon ki dhoond mein teri parchai si lagti hai,
Sannate me gunjati koi sahnai si lagti hai,
Tum ho to apnapan hai,
Warna seene mein saanse bhi parai si lagti hai..!!

Kabhi yun bh aa mere aankh...

Kabhi yun bh aa mere aankh mein
Ki meri nazar ko khabar na ho
Mujhe ek raat nawaz de
Magar uske baad sahar na ho

DARD E SHAYARI - II

DARD E SHAYARI....



Suna hai kafi asar hota....

Suna hai kafi asar hota hai baaton mein,
Aap bhi bhul jaoge Do-Chaar mulakaton mein,
Lekin humse bachkar kahan jaoge,
Aapki dosti ki lakeer hai mere haathon mein..




Aapki dosti ki ek nazar....

Aapki dosti ki ek nazar chahiye,
Dil hai beghar use ek Ghar chahiye,
Bas yun hi saath chalte raho a dost,
Ye Dosti hume umar bhar chahiye..

Dosti ke mayne hamse kya...

Dosti ke mayne hamse kya puchte ho,
Hum abhi in baton se anjaan hain,
Sirf ek gujarish hai ke bhool na jana hame,
Kyonki aapki dosti hi hamari jaan hai..

Har phool ki ajab kahan...

Har phool ki ajab kahani hai,
chup rehna bhi pyar ki nishani hai,
kahin koi zakhm nai phir bhi kyun dard ka ehsas hai,
lagta hai dil ka ek tukda aaj bhi uske paas hai..

Chal pade the duniya ke ....

Chal pade the duniya ke mele dekhne
khud uska hissa ban gaye??
kisse ab aap kya sunaate hain huzoor
aap to khud kissa ban gaye…

Teri yaad me aasson ka....

Teri yaad me aasson ka samandar bana liya,
Tanhai ke saher me apna ghar bana liya,
Suna hai log pujte hai patther ko, Is liye dil apna patther bana liya

Dil tootega toh fariyaad....

Dil tootega toh fariyaad karoge tum bhi
hum na rahe toh hamein yaad karoge tum bhi
aaj kehte ho hamare paas vaqt nahin
par ek din mere liye vaqt barbaad karoge tum bhi.

FRIENDSHIP SHAYARI - I

FRIENDSHIP SHAYARI


DOSTI se badi koi...

DOSTI se badi koi jaageer nahi,
is se achi koi Tasvir nahi,
ek nazuk prem ka dhaga hai
fir bhi is se pakki koi zanjeer nahi




Duniya Fana Ho...

Duniya Fana Ho Sakti Hai
Jism Fana Ho Sakta Hai
Magar Wo Dil Kya Fana Hoga
Jisme Aap Jaise Dost Hai….




Har rishtey ka koi....

Har rishtey ka koi mukam nahin hota,
Dil ke rishton ka naam nahin hota,
Khoja hai aapko dil ki roshani se,
Aap jaisa dost kisi ke liye aam nahin hota.

Zikar hua jab Khuda...

Zikar hua jab Khuda ki rehmaton ka,
Hamne khud ko khushnaseeb paya,
Tamanna thi ek pyare se dost ki,
Khuda khud dost bankar chala aaya

BEAUTIFUL SHAYARI - I

BEAUTIFUL SHAYARI....

Haseen Titliyon Ko Sataya Nahi Karte
Kabhi Pariyoon Se Dil Lagaya Nahi Karte

Zulm Karte Hain Aksar Yehi Husan Wale
In Ko Chahat Ka Naghma Sunaya Nahi Karte

Tor Dete Hain Dil Ko Sada Yeh Sitam Gar
Aur Waja Be-Wafai Bhi Bataya Nahi Karte

Mehekte Rahe Hain Yeh Dil Ke Chaman Main
Mager In Per Haq Bhi Jataya Nahi Karte

Jalna Hai Ulfat Ki Rasmoon Main Lekin
Perwane Shama Ko Bujhaya Nahi Karte

Mohabbat Hai Kiya Yeh “HUM ” Se Pucho
Kabhi Raah-e-Wafa Ko Bhulaya Nahi Karte

FUNNY ONE LINERS - 1

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Honk if you want to see my finger.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

How does Teflon stick to the pan?

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you.

If you haven't much education you must use your brain.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.

Keep honking. I'm reloading.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Montana: At least our cows are sane!

More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.

My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states
.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

FUNNY ONE LINER - 2

FUNNY ONE LINER - 2


Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set

Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.

Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.


The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

What's the speed of dark?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Who stopped payment on my reality check?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot

FUNNY ONE LINERS - 3

Funny One Liners & Quotes ...


42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Assassins do it from behind.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?

Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

Death is hereditary.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Did anyone see my lost carrier?

Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

FLIRT SMS - I

• • Height of Flirting: Writing a love letter with the title as 'To Whom So Ever It May Concern'
• 
  

• • Smokers have smoking heart, Drinkers have an alcoholoic heart. I request you Plz don't eat sugar coz u aready have a Sweet Heart

• • May ur heart b happy & ur days b bright. May ur roads b smooth & ur burdens light. May u find dreams & touch a star & never forget how special U R

• • Baby I have an addiction problem. People say I shud go to rehab but I always tell them that I don't wanna go cause I'm addicted to U !

• • Vacancy in my Heart 4 a True Friend
• Eligibility: Loving & Caring,
• Duty: To Luv,
• Experience: Not required,
• Salary: Never Ending Luv,
• Joining: ASAP,
• R U interested?

• • Aap ek Mobile ki tarah ho, khwab mein atey ho SMS ki tarah, Dil mein bas jatay ho Ring Tone ki tarah; Mohabbat aapki hai Network ki tarah, hum ko bhool na jaana Balance ki tarah

• • When the night comes, look at the sky. If u see a falling star, don't wonder why, just make a wish. Trust me it will come true, coz I did it & I found U

FLIRT SMS - 2

• • Ur precious love has turned my life completely around, I feel like I'm walking but my feet don't seem to touch the ground!

• 
  
• If u find ur world as a sky and ur friends as STARS, and if U don't find me among them, dont worrry! I've just been fallen to make ur wish come true.

• • Some people have nice eyes... some people have nice smile, others have nice faces, but you have all of them with a nice heart!

• • Shaadi k pehle ladka: Darling!! tum nahi to mai nahi... Aur mai nahi to tum nahi...

• Shaadi k bad ladka: Aj ya tan tu nahi ya mai nahi!

• • Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok, but keeping a place for me in your mind might be dangerous because people say... I’m Mind Blowing!

• • People die younger because God loves them so much. But you are still on earth... because there is someone who loves you more than God.

• • Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.

• • I was counting the stars one night, for a reason to love you, I was doing great until I ran out of stars!

• • Once upon a time, something happened to me. It was the sweetest thing that ever could be, it was a fantasy, a dream come true. It was the day I met u!

• • God determines who walks into your life. You decide who stays & who walks out. Send this to people you never want to lose, I just did...

• • A hug is a hug & a kiss is a kiss, without u in my life baby luv is what I'll miss. U took me by the hand & u swept me off my feet. So plz understand that u make my life complete.

• • Some say you are ugly, Some say you are jungly, Some say you are pugly, but I say you are lovely.

• • I can't help it, it's not by choice, my heart beats faster, my knees get weak, my stomach hurts & I can hardly breathe and each & every moment feels brand new, I just can't help it I'm crazy for U!

• • Never get tired of doing little things to others, coz sumtimes those little things may mean so much to them. That's why I won't get tired of sending my little Hi to U.

• • What's the difference between your and my smile?
• U smile when you are happy and I smile when you are happy.
• • U r the angel who I cherish so dearly in this heart of mine; the one who makes my day brighter, by making my whole world shine.

• • If I reach for your hand, will you hold it? If I hold out my arms, will you hug me? If I go for your lips, will you kiss me? If I capture your heart, will you luv me?

• • If care is wave I give u sea. If respect is a leaf I give u tree. If Trust is a planet I give u galaxy, If friendship is life I give u myself !

• • It's time for me to make a wish for U.……. (wishin) ……… (wishin) ……. done ! Do u know what I asked 4? I asked God to make u happy all day long.

• • I never know what the future brings, but I know u r here with me now. We’ll make it through and I hope u are the one I share my life with

SHAYARI SMS ...

"Ummido ki shama dil me mat jalana,
is jahan se alag duniya mat basana,
aaj bas mood me tha to SMS kar diya,
par roj intezar me palke mat bichana!

---

"
Is kadar hum yaar ko manane nikle, uski chahat ke hum deewane nikle, jab bhi use dil ka haal batana chaha, to uske hothon se waqt na hone ke bahane nikle..."

---

"
Aansuo ke girne ki aahat nahi hoti, Dil ke tootne ki awaaz nahi hoti, Agar hota khuda ko ehsaas dard ka, to use dard dene ki Aadat nahi hoti.."

---

"
Hamara har lamha chura liya aapne, aankhon ko ik chand dikha diya aapne. Hamein zindagi to di kisi aur ne, par pyaar itna dekar jeena sikha diya aapne."

---

"
Woh nadiyan nahi aansu they mere, jinpar woh kashti chalate rahe.
Manzil mile unhein yeh chahat thi meri, isliye hum aansu bahate rahe."

"

---

Tujhe bhoolkar bhi na bhool payenge hum, Bas yahi ek wada nibha payenge hum.
Mita denge khud ko bhi jahan se lekin, Tera naam dil se na mita payenge hum.."

---

"
Ye pyari nigahein yaad rahengi, milkar na milne ki ada yaad rahegi, mumkin nahi ki main tumhe bhula dun, aur umar bhar tumhe bhi meri yaad rahegi. "

---

"
Tum mujhe kabhi dil kabhi aakhon se pukaro, Ye hothon ke taqaluf to zamane ke liye hain."

---

"
Dosti insan ki zaroorat hai, dilon pe dosti ki huqumat hai, aap ke pyar ki wajah se zinda hain warna khuda ko bhi hamari zaroorat hai."

"

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Tu dekh ya na dekh, tere dekhne ka gham nahi, par teri ye na dekhne ki ada dekhne se kam nahi.."